Evolution likes big butts (and it cannot, under any circumstances, lie).
I got a memo a couple of days ago from Steve at the 
Office of Evolutionary Affairs (I signed up for like a t-shirt and ended up on their mailing list). Anyway I thought it was interesting.
“10/19/09
Attn: Organisms
Re: Human Female Evolution
It has been decided that in light of current trends in biological development human females will begin evolving to emphasize these traits: shortness, plumpness, fertility. These changes will not be instituted immediately, however; they should be rolled out over the course of decades and centuries, medical advances notwithstanding.
This Office is aware that with human female fashion dictating so much of the social and political trends among that branch of the species this decision may not seem at first suitable. But we ask that you rest assured that this decision, as with every single choice this Office has ever made since the very beginning of life itself, is made with the ultimate survival of the species in mind, and is not weighted by such aesthetic considerations as “taste” or the success of popular culture depictions of what are considered “attractive” members of the species. Fecundity and respectable longevity, it is the opinion of this Office, are the ultimate expressions of taste and attractiveness.
Sincerely,
Steve
Comptroller, Office of Evolutionary Affairs”
So that’s what seems to be going on. And sure enough, a story was reported soon thereafter. An evolutionary biologist at Yale University and his team tracked the medical histories of about three generations of Massachusetts women, 14,000 in all, and determined that “shorter, heavier women tended to have more children, on average, than taller, lighter ones. Women with lower blood pressure and lower cholesterol levels likewise reared more children, and – not surprisingly – so did women who had their first child at a younger age or who entered menopause later.”
The study goes on to say that by 2409, ten generations hence, women will drop two centimeters, gain a kilogram, have a kid five months earlier and enter menopause 10 months later. Not huge changes to be sure, but still perhaps it behooves the savvy woman of today to start thinking about the Spring 2409 collection. I’ll consult my specialist friend over at Everything Sounds Better in French, but I’d suggest we start fazing out the horizontal stripes now.
Oct 21th, 2009 11:45pm
